Melodious Bhimsen Joshi’s voice on the system, green lawns which are visible from my favorite window seat, my ipad with my Candy Crush, and other innumerable apps… Right now I want to freeze frame this moment and live here in limbo till eternity. Such peace, such calmness, that though its just the music and nature, I am feeling blessed. To be. Blessed to be in this moment.
When I meet here with friends, most of the time is discussed about us. Immigrants in a foreign land, claiming it to be ours. The need to belong. We talk about everything, the pros and the cons. The things we miss, the stuff that we don’t. The traffuck (pun intended) in Mumbai, the goons, the dirty politics, the inflation, the festivals, the crowds, the unimaginable Western railway commuting in those gigantic man eating dragons locally known as trains. Incessant talks each time we catch up, never ending discussions. Everyone is passionate about something or the other. Each one has varying/ differing opinions, but it all ends harmoniously on one note. We miss the people, our people. My dad, my aai baba, my sisters, my sis in law, my nephews, my nieces, my bro in laws. Notice how subtle the my is. But ever present. What made me leave everything in the first place! That is one common question we ask ourselves. Then we justify the reasons of being here, away from there, our home. Which we left in the first place to explore new avenues.
Having said it all, I don’t regret it one bit. We have learnt, evolved, become better people, churned out the bad in ourselves. And made it. We survived.
Perhaps it’s a bit of a nomadic streak in me and Satyu that made us do this. T uproot and re-root in a new place. Away from the warmth of the womb of comfort and complacency.
Now to sound very repetitive, it’s August. There is a August hormone in me which triggers now. Making me think of all the festivals and the togetherness. Of family and love. Of new clothes, and fragrance. Of memories, of incidents. Of eons ago. Of mom, Mhantu, and Bappama. Of happiness that I knew and the ones that I missed out on. Of moments of joy, of pockets of sadness. Of little things and the big ones too. Of the wants that I thought were needs. Of bickerings and of hurt.
Another year comes and goes.. I will whimper, miss everything. The festivals will come and go. Te months will follow on through. And again the hopes will rise of being together once again, instead of just being in thoughts…..
En route Neverland... 