So yesterday was Mother’s Day. I have never celebrated it with my mum. Let me rephrase that. I was never able to celebrate it with her. She died when I was 7 , an age where this day didn’t exist in my life. And I think in India the trend started in the 90s. Of celebrating days as such.
I remember writing poems for dad on Father’s Day. Of poems in hand made greeting cards which I would make for my cousins at home. But never got any chances of telling my mum she’s special or how much I loved her. I often wonder what thoughts did mum have when she went. I mean what did the think about us. Did she love me more or V? Did she love dad more than me? Would she cry if I cried? Did her heart skip a beat if I had any mishaps? Did she indulge me if I was clingy? Questions and questions and questions.
After having Abir, I can have some clarity or some answers to this constant quiz in my head. The love I have for this guy surpasses everything. No other relationship comes even close to this one. He can’t talk to me yet his eyes speak volumes. He can’t tell me what he wants yet I would like to believe I know. He doesn’t argue/squabble/fight with me yet can have me in tears just by looking at me with his puppy dog eyes. He can’t climb mountains, not yet, hasn’t entered any competitions, hasn’t won any races, not yet, but still makes me crow in pride.
Somehow I think by being with Abir I am able to show mum how much she means to me. If she’s around me I would like to believe she feels exactly the same about me. I haven’t experienced being mothered first hand but yet I know how to mother Abir. So maybe that’s my mum in me. I know this may seem incoherent to some but I am sure I will make sense to some.
Yesterday I celebrated Mother’s Day in the true sense for the very time in my life. My son and his father gifted me this huge bouquet in the morning. We went to the Viaduct Harbour and lazed on a huge wooden family deck chair. Just doing nothing. Just the three of us. Abir sat through a late lunch with us and allowed us to enjoy our pitcher of beer in the sun. A quiet day well spent with the two boys in my life. The most important boys, if I may add.
This Mother’s Day I truly felt like a mother, a special one at that. I can only say a silent prayer to God, to my mum, my amma.